Lindsay’s blog

I know I never post here...But sometimes I end up posting 2-3x's a day at LJ.com...I could post here more often.

I'm almost graduated. With my Associate's at least. Yay for that. Then I get to start in on my Bachelor's...not sure what I'm going to major in, though. It'll be something business related, definately. I just have to decide what.

Andy and I are fantastic. My family loves him, and even though it's only been a month or so since we made it "official," it feels like we've been dating for years. It just feels natural. And I think being best friends first helped...We can banter and joke around like friends, then cuddle on the couch and watch movies. He's pretty much turned this party girl into a homebody. It's great.

I had a job interview today for a barn manager position at a new barn. It sounds totally awesome. The barn hasn't opened yet, and they're still building. I'll hear back next week, but I think it went well.

Other than that, not a whole lot is going on. I'll try to update here more often, since there are friends here I would like to keep up with. (Nicole!)

I never thought that I would be in the middle of a "triangle." I never thought of myself as that kind of person - I never thought of myself as that attractive, or that anyone (much less more than one) person would want me enough.

My best friend and I are...well, for lack of a better word, we're dating. Just no lable. If he asked me to, I drop everything else for him. He just needs to be ready, because his finace only left him 7 months ago.

Now, Brian seems to be getting over whatever issues he was having before. Maybe it's because he knows Andy is in the picture more. I talked to him tonight, and what does he say?

"What would you do if I told you I loved you, and I've been fighting it for the past two years?"

Then I think he realized what he said, and he started to stumble and try to cover up what he said. My heart lept, but my reaction to him was, "I never thought that far ahead, because I know you'd never do that."

It kills me. Things are quickly getting more serious with Andy, but I really like Brian. Problem is, neither of them would go ahead and say, "Hey, I love you. Be with me." That would never happen.

So what do I do? I continue on the path that I'm on, slowing in a downward spiral of what will inevitable be painful.

We spoke on the phone Tuesday, and it really made me feel a little bad about judging him without knowing him. (To make things easier, let's call him "Jay.") He drives a garbage truck, but that's not what he wants to do. He has plans to buy a house, get a new job, and go back to school. He loves his dog, and you can really tell a lot about someone by the way they treat their animals.

The first conversation was kind of awkward, and afterwards he had called Melissa (my best friend) and told her that he felt like I really didn't want to talk to him, only, not to tell me. How are you going to tell my best friend not to tell me something, and then think she's not going to. Girls stick together :)

I just have a horrible problem trusting and getting comfortable with new people. Especially those who might be of dating potential.

So, she told him that, and I called last night. The conversation was better, but short because I was on the way to my best friend's for the night, since I plan on being at the radio station this morning.

Depending on my plans, Jay might go to the Hoedown. It also depends if my credentials will cover him or not.

Time to go find out!

...is it wrong to judge someone because of their job?

My friend Melissa, who has been one of my best friends since high school, contacted me last week and told me to take down a number. She then told me that a co-worker of her fiance's wanted her to hook him up with a cute, single friend of hers - she says that I was the only cute, single friend she had. So, she wanted me to call this guy. I then said that a better way to play matchmaker would be to invite both of us over for dinner, instead of having one of us call the other out of the blue.

She then proceeds to tell me about this guy. He's 22 (2 years younger then me), says he has "A+ credit," he's in the process of buying his own house, and he makes pretty good money. Melissa said he was pretty cute (not "hot," but cute), and he works with her fiance.

Her fiance is a garbage collector. This guy "drives the truck."

I don't believe he's going to school, which would change my perspective on him a little. In that case, I could relate to having a pretty crappy job while trying to do something better. I want to work in a radio, and public perception is that this is a glamourous lifestyle (it's not, but it's all about public perception). If I get my dream job, and if this guy and I start dating, how will that look?

True, that's a lot of if's. And I realize it's something I shouldn't worry about. But, I can't help but think about it. I'm working my ass off to graduate with just my associate's degree, is this what this guy plans to do for the rest of his life? He seemed nice, and he seemed smart. But is he settling just because it pays well?

Am I being completely shallow for even letting this thought cross my mind?

Last night was my birthday party at Renshaw's. Jenny, Deanna, Dave and Andy came, and we all had a ton of fun! Lots of laughs. What was funny though, was the end of the night.

We were leaving the bar, and everyone was heading off in separate directions to their cars at opposite ends of the parking lot. I stop, Andy's still walking toward his car, everyone else is still walking, and I say, "What, I don't get any hugs?" Jenny and Deanna start walking back, and I suddenly see Dave running across the parking lot with his arms spread wide open.

Suddenly, I'm tackled and thrown to the ground. I feel my head bounce off the pavement, and for a minute I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or pass out. Jenny and Deanna start running to see if we're ok, Andy starts his car THEN comes to check on me...great, thanks Andy. By this time, Jenny's knelt over me makes sure I'm ok, and I'm laughing in an attempt not to cry. Then I see Jenny pulling out her camera to take pictures of us laying in the middle of the parking lot, so I make a quick attempt to stand up before this can be documented.

Dave's face hit the pavement, and the bridge of his nose was bleeding. He didn't believe it at first, until Jenny took a picture and showed him. Andy was standing ready with napkins. We all laughed about it for a minute, before heading to our seperate cars.

Although, I've had a headache all morning that Excedrin hasn't touched and it's kind of hard to focus on stuff. If I get up too quick I get a dizzy spell, and driving home made me a bit nausous. I opted not to go to the ER though, because what are they really going to do if I have a concussion? Take an CAT scan or an xray, tell me I have one, then tell me to go home, rest and take it easy. There isn't much more I can do. So, I've pretty much just been taking it easy and resting, and saving the $1000+ it would have cost me to do that.

Although, if the headache doesn't go away, I may go to the doctor tomorrow.

But, it's still a pretty funny story.

We both know I can think myself dizzy,
and right now I'm spinning around.
-- Matt Wertz "5:19"

Sometimes I feel like I live my life through song lyrics. I can identify with so many lyrics, and most of the time it's just one line out of a song. They just hit me. Make me think. Describe exactly how I feel about something, even when I can't find the words to say it myself.

I suppose a lot of people say they're that way, though.

My music collection is huge, and I'm aspiring to work in radio. I do work in radio, I work at one of Detroit's largest radio stations, just not doing what I want to be doing. So, I guess I have that going for me.

Anyway, it's hard being in a relationship without actually being in one. He doesn't want to jump into another serious relationship just yet, which I completely understand. But it still wreaks havoc on my mental state. The fact that he's my best friend makes it easier, makes it the next best thing to actually having a relationship. Most of my stories include him now, and most of my nights are spent in his bed. I'm happiest there, even doing nothing but sitting on the couch watching TV.

I'm most excited about tonight, though. A bunch of my friends are meeting for my birthday, all of my closest friends, and I'm so excited about who's said they would come. Saturday, a smaller group (the "main crew," I suppose you could call them) are getting together to go bar hopping in Royal Oak, and Sunday my best friend, my "little sister" and her new boyfriend, a possibly my family, are taking me to dinner. While this year has had some rough patches, 2007 is shaping up to be a pretty good year.

A lot has happened since I last blogged here, so I'll just jump right in as if I've been blogging here all along. Writing a catch-up blog would be pages long. A novel, if you will. I'm hoping to be a little more open here then I am on LiveJournal, and I'm pretty open there - only, most posts are friends-only. Here, I hope to keep them open.

I'm writing from my school's cafeteria right now, wasting time before I have to leave for work. I have about half an hour to waste. Luckily it's quiet, and I don't have to deal with a bunch of people trying to talk over one another.

I got some great news on Tuesday regarding school. Looks like I will be graduating in the winter quarter. I could graduate in the fall, but I don't want to take a class load that's too heavy in addition to work. So 2 classes in the fall, and 2 in the winter, and then I should be done! I'm also set in funds, which is a big relief. I was worried about how I was going to pay for my last 7 classes.

My Macroecon class isn't as bad as I thought it would be. At least it's not so far. We had our first test on Tuesday, and I feel like I did well. I won't know my grade until next Thursday, since I won't be in class on Tuesday - I have a press screening for Spiderman 3 :)

That's one thing I will update on: I started my internship at WYCD-FM (Detroit's country station) about 8 weeks ago. I love it there, and everyone is very nice. I have a lot to learn about radio, but the more I know the more I love. I've already gotten to meet a lot of "famous" people: Billy Currington, Bomshel, a few new artists, Adam Brody, and just this Tuesday I met Molly Shannon. I'm excited about the Hoedown in May, and plan on having lots of fun.

Still single, technically. But I've been spending so much time with my best friend that we might as well be dating. That was a big deal for me, too. The past couple months have been an emotional rollercoaster, and after having a few too many drinks a couple nights, we ended up going a little "too far." The first time I could have brushed it off as us just getting drunk, and his "wonder what" concept coming into play...but the second time threw me for a loop...and last Sunday we were both sober. So, Monday I finally brought it up to him, and I don't know why I was so scared about talking to him. I can talk to him about anything. Of course, he said he doesn't want a serious relationship right now and he just needs some time to get back on his feet. I completely understand.

My biggest worry about the whole thing was that it might change our relationship, that something might happen that would cause us not to be friends anymore - he said he had been worried about the same thing, and he wasn't going to let that happen, which was a big relief.

I definately wouldn't mind if we started dating, though. He's the good kind of guy. The guy who lets me sleep in when he has to go to work, and the guy who has coffee waiting for me in the morning. After my string of past boyfriends, he'd be exactly what I need.

Of course, if we didn't date, that would be ok too. Just as long as we stay friends.

I have so much to say, and not nearly enough words to say it in. In fact, I don't know the words.

What song or lyrics are stuck in your head at the moment?  What album is it from?
Submitted by Lox Ly. 

And all the gold dust in her eyes won’t reform into rain
You hadn’t lost the one thing
You kept in a safe place
Remember the face
Of the girl who had made you her own
And how you left her alone

- "Star Mile" - Joshua Radin, We Were Here (2006)
Also on The Last Kiss Soundtrack

Arts, Beats, and Eats is this weekend, which makes the traffic down here hell. It's already messing with my daily schedual. I was bitchy and cranky during the Dream Cruise, I can't imagine how I'll be during this!

I'm going up to my grandparent's house this weekend, so luckily I'll only have to deal with the crowds on Friday and Saturday - then I'm out of here! It will be so nice to just sit and do nothing for awhile. They live in the middle of nowhere, so I won't have cell phone service unless I head into town. I'll be bringing my laptop along, and my boss has made me an account on his AOL, so I'll be able to connect to the internet later in the evenings - after my grandparents go to bed I don't have to worry about blocking the phone line.

I still have homework to do for my Psych class - that's the main reason I'm taking my laptop.

And the summer semester at school was really tough - I'm confident I'll pass my Psych class with no problem at all, but I barely passed my Business Law and Sales classes. I will definately have to apply myself more this fall, and get my GPA back up where I want it to be (it's now dropped below a 3.0). I have to talk to people at school and assure them that summer was not my normal performace - especially since all my other grades were A's/B's!

I did get a job lead, but that means I would have to quit my job at the barn. It's babysitting a 4yo little girl, right around the corner from my house. There's more money in it then I get from the barn, although since the guy plows snow in the winter, it means I'll sometimes have to be getting up at 3am to babysit the little girl. I'm going to go talk to him tomorrow evening, after I leave the bar.

I also sent out a bunch of resumes via fax today. But I never have any luck with those.

So, we'll see what happens, I suppose.